Home > Movie Reviews > Nail Gun Massacre
Following the rape of a local Woman by some construction workers a psycho wearing combat gear and black biker's helmet uses a big ass nail gun rig to kill off any construction worker type people that happen on by...
Badly made, badly acted, badly scripted. Starring no one of any worth whatsoever.
Yep, we're driving through Trash City with this sucker and I have to admit it, it's a pretty fun journey.
First off our very small and slight psycho lumbers around with the most inconvenient murder weapon they could find. This nail gun needs tanks of air, carried on the back and connected via a huge pipe, to even work. Add the combat gear and taped up motorbike helmet and you have a killer that would be advised to stick to the dark for fear of being spotted at every turn. But no, our crazy coot flounders around in broad daylight...and no one sees anything.
And the one who seems to see the least is the local Sheriff, perhaps the dumbest Cop ever to appear in film.
The killer's gold hearse (I personally would have picked a slightly less distinctive car for my killing spree) drives from the direction of a reported murder on a highway and this 'Dumb as a Box of Rocks' Cop does not even pull it over to check it out (where he would have found our psycho in full costume).
Worse, he later passes the same car, now deserted and pulled clumsily over to the edge of the road, and simply looks at it and sees nothing worse investigating.
Add to this the fact that he fails to even link the obvious victims with a recently reported rape (though why nothing was done about the rape is never explained), and needs the help of a local Doctor to even make any headway at all and the folks of this County should ask for a tax refund. Hell the guy does not even drive a real Police car. Ask for a refund now citizens!
The nail gun itself never seems to actually fire anything, we simply have the killer shake it a bit as fake sound effects attempt to make us think a nail was shot out.
And what powerful nails they be!
Now then, being stuck with a nail sure would be painful, but exactly how lethal? Well here we have people shot in the hands, or arms, or stomachs by little tiny nails and sure enough they all drop down dead. One guy has his crossed over hands nailed to a tree by a single (obviously super sized) nail and he is later found dead! That damn tetanus will get you every time!
The infamous nail gun murder in "The Toolbox Murders" had the nasty things used in a realistic and brutally effective way, here they most certainly aren't.
As for the foolish victims, Hell these fools deserve to die just for their stupidity alone.
There stands our loony, waffling on endlessly in an annoying robotic voice (the origin of which is never explained) delivering really bad pun after really bad pun, and no one even bothers to run. Or even move a bit to the side to get away from the gun being pointed at them. They all simply stand there cowering, giving the killer plenty of time to deliver those excruciating jokes, before being stuck with those pesky little metal pointy things.
All the acting is bad, very bad, very bad indeed. So bad it becomes almost numbing in fact.
And the film makers (Co-Director Terry Loften also handled the Producing, Writing, FX and even the casting duties...so we know who to blame here folks) obviously filled minor roles with the locals, as some of the stilted line readings on display here would be bad even in your school play. All hail the lady shopkeeper, don't give up the day job dear.
We also spend time with a number of characters who either do nothing other than die (like the dreadfully drawn out sequences with a man and his girlfriend getting some food from a diner, arguing with the Man's ex girlfriend, driving around then fumbling about in the car in an hysterically clumsy sex scene, before simply being nailed) or just vanish from the film after seemingly being important (like the group doing up an old house). And for no reason at all the killer also kills off people who are not construction workers, like various girlfriends and two women simply walking along minding their own business.
Shoddy script writing.
And don't hold out for a gripping finale either. It's lame dear reader. Lame, lame, lame.
So what on Earth makes this a fun journey then I hear you cry?
Well, it's that hard to describe fun time that only bad movie masochists and Exploitation freaks can appreciate.
We have plenty of blood and nudity for one. The nail deaths may be silly for the most part but they deliver those messy thrills. One double murder in particular is an exploitation gem as a naked couple doing the dirty against a tree get bumped off. The first nail sticks in the back of the man's neck resulting, in a long squirt of blood from the wound, and as he collapses the woman gets hit in the chest, resulting in some classic 'your Mother would not approve' blood on breasts action before the nekkid fools flop down in a bloody pile.
Trash. You have to love it.
And no opportunity to zoom in on tan lined breasts, and then hold that shot for as long as possible, is missed.
Trash. You have to love it.
The music is also worth a mention. Most is pretty bad, but the title theme is a highly effective, off the wall mixture of electro tune and "Evil Dead" demon style vocal effects that seems to herald a grim supernatural movie more than a cheesy slasher flick.
Add to all this the high body count, silly killer, and silly victims (one, seeing the killer in full combat gear/bike helmet and huge nail gun appliance asks, "Are you a Cop"?) and you have what is at least an enjoyable (for all the wrong reasons) watch.
And let us not forget truly wonderful dialogue like:
"Okay turd face, cut the small talk".
"I'm hornier than a rooster in a Chinese hen house"
And my favourite, the almost Shakespearean
"Hey, big tits, get in the car".
Normal people should stay clear. Abnormal bad movie freaks should give this at least one viewing.